http://cafe440eugene.com
Order: BBQ Pork Nachos (serves 2 people)
Price: $10 | Server: Jason
Dinner guests: Suzie and Enrique

Nacho Man Kory Savage: Here we are, at the beginning of a new adventure. Accordingly, I pondered what inspirational words we could borrow from to lend extra gravity to our important task. Naturally, I considered some of the more well-known quotes such as Lao Tzu’s, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one chip.” and Harriet Tubman’s, “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to eat nachos and change the world.” However, I felt that Thorin Oakenshield said it best, “If more of us valued nachos and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” Maybe I’m crazy to think that you and me doing intensive nacho research will make a merrier world or bring peace to the Middle East, but who knows, nothing else has worked. At the very least, we get to eat a lot of nachos and contribute to the dreadfully small body of scientific nacho research. I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to collaborate with such an esteemed researcher as yourself, Laura. I look forward to this venture together.

Laura Nacho-pacabra: A new adventure indeed- one that will surely go down in history as a first of its kind. Sir Edmund Hillary was the first to summit Everest, Alexander Fleming was the first to discover penicillin, and Kory and I will be the first to truly unearth the magical art of the nacho. When I reflect on some of the greatest minds of the past and present, the one that prevails is the eloquent Jay Brazeau who said, “Ain’t no rules says a dog can’t play basketball.” -Air Bud, 1997. And it’s true. There ain’t no rules. And if Buddy the dog can play with the Timberwolves, then Kory and I can become the preeminent Proust Nacho scholars in the Pacific Northwest, nay, the world. Kory, from the bottom of my heart, there is no one I’d rather embark on this journey with^*.
^{*other than the original Buddy the dog.}

NMKS: Those are some tough paws to fill, but I’ll strive to attack every plate of nachos with as much enthusiasm and poise as Buddy taking it to the hole. On that note, let us begin. Our first data collection point was at 44.067768, -123.073042 (to those less attuned to graticular expression, Café 440 up on Coburg Rd. was our first stop). I didn’t know about this establishment until some light eavesdropping at work piqued my interest as I overheard a co-worker describe their BBQ Pork Nachos. I knew right away that this was a nacho plate desperately needing to be in my mouth. I don’t think either of us knew what the restaurant itself would be like.

Cabra: I like your use of the phrase “graticular expression”, nerd. Café 440 was not on my radar either, as I typically associate that area of Eugene as fancy-commercial-stripmall ville. Old Navy, Nordstrom Rack, Bed Bath and Beyond…everyplace most Eugenians hate but I love!

NMKS: I’ll be the first to admit to my nerd-like tendencies; I have four eyes and I try to use all of them as much as possible. I’m slightly surprised to hear that you don’t frequent the Oakway Center area in light of your confession. Regardless, I think I speak for both of us when I say that Café 440 was legit.

Cabra: Let’s get down to business. Nacho business.

Atmosphere

Cabra: Cafe 440 is a cool place.  I would definitely take my wealthy relatives here to make them think I have disposable income and can afford a nice meal. Maybe NMKS could take a date here, because it seems like a nice place to take a date. I don’t date anymore because I’m almost married and a “nice night” for us involves creating new nicknames for the dogs and a minimum of farting.

NMKS: It would be a nice place to take a date. There was a lot of soft light and though the restaurant was fairly big it still felt intimate and not very loud. An added benefit is that it’s close to Super Supplements. We could walk there after dinner, I could buy some creatine, and then she’d think that I lifted a lot of weights and was real yolked.

Server interaction

Cabra: I liked our waiter, Jason, mostly because he wasn’t annoying or cheesy and gave us honest opinions. He wasn’t like the guy at King Estate (nicest restaurant near Eugene) who pressured me into ordering a fancy-ass meat plate. The only fun part about that experience was referring to the charcuterie as shark-cooter.

NMKS: Jason is definitely not from the Midwest, if he was he would have told us that everything was “good” because Midwesterners are allergic to giving negative feedback. He seemed to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the menu and specials. If I wasn’t there for the sake of science I would have ordered whatever he recommended, that’s how much I trusted him.

Presentation

NMKS: I was approaching hangry status by the time the nachos arrived, not because it took the kitchen a long time to make them, but because I hadn’t eaten in a while and just finished playing an ultimate frisbee match. When I saw Jason carry our nacho plate towards the table my heart fluttered. It was like that scene in She’s All That when Freddie Prince Jr. sees Rachael Leigh Cook walking down the stairs before he takes her to prom. I probably had the same dumb, open-mouthed, doe-eyed look on my face. Everything around me slowed down and all I could do was gawk at the nacho pile slowly heading my way.

Cabra: It was a beautiful pile of nachos. Every food group is represented, including my favorite one, cheese. And yes, we ordered a side of fries with the nachos. Stop judging us already!

Quality of Ingredients

Cabra: Excellent. I was super skeptical of the bbq aspect of the pork- I generally don’t like mixing regional dishes unless someone were to put tiramisu on my apple pie. I would eat that. Pretty much any dessert amalgamation would be ok in my book except for ice cream cake, which totally ruins the integrity of cake and completely sucks! I digress. But the pork was totally great- not saucy and more of a carne asada consistency.

NMKS: There are a lot of mixed opinions in the United States regarding the usage of the term, “BBQ.” Growing up in Illinois, “BBQ” referred to cooking something on a grill, be it a slab of ribs or a hot dog and it could also be used to refer to a gathering of people to eat such things. Additionally, if something was labelled “BBQ” (e.g. BBQ Chicken) it meant that there was barbecue sauce on it. I didn’t know that “BBQ” could mean anything else. However, I quickly learned the error of my ways when I moved to the South; folk down south are very particular about the word, “BBQ.” To every southerner I discussed this topic with, “BBQ” means slow-cooking meat on a grill typically with some kind of closely-guarded, secret family marinade, the end result being a delicious, fork-tender, juicy gift from the heavens. The BBQ pork in these nachos was of the southern persuasion. It was not drenched in a sugary, tangy sauce. It was was incredibly flavorful and superbly complimented the other high-quality ingredients.

Chip to topping ratio

Cabra: Some magician did some excellent layering, because there was not a dry chip on the plate. Each layer was heated to perfection, and the cheese was all melty and nice. There is nothing worse in nacho world than the inner layers being stuck to each other with cold, congealed cheese. The only times I want my cheese to serve as an adhesive are the following: 1. a guard rail made of cheese so that when my car goes over the side of a mountain I just end up in delicious, cheesy suspension and can have a snack while I wait for help to arrive, 2. when I have to climb a tree to escape the other tributes I can glue myself to the tree to sleep at night with a cheese blanket and have a snack while I wait for Peeta to arrive, 3. nope. that’s it.

NMKS: I agree wholeheartedly. The layering of ingredients was performed with the same rigor and planning that a prideful brickmason uses when building walls. Truly a work of art.

Chip integrity

Cabra: Jason said the chips were made at the restaurant, and I don’t think Jason would lie to us. He didn’t give me the liar vibe, although he did give me a slightly “star of the community theater in-a-good-way” vibe- articulate, engaging, and could probably recite a menu/Shakespeare soliloquy from memory. Also, the chips could hold a lot of weight. I want my chips to serve as a vessel for the fixins’, and these definitely maintained their purpose.

NMKS: Jason would sooner go to his demise like the band valiantly playing on the deck of the Titanic than tell us a lie. Similarly, I’d probably go down with any ship if its hold was filled with Café 440’s tortilla chips. I just couldn’t go on living knowing that any of these chips took water for a wife. If I had to choose an MVP, I’d say the chips were the stars of the show and truly carried the team on their backs. They were very thick and very crunchy. What truly impressed me was how much crunch they retained over time, especially the chips lying at the bottom of the scrum.

Overall Taste

Cabra: Extremely satisfying. Not just good like the last scenes of Independence Day, or the prom dance scene in Kory’s favorite movie, She’s All That, or that one Dave Matthews Band song. This meal was great from first to last chip.

NMKS: True say. These nachos just didn’t quit. Every single chip was a flavor bomb that exploded happiness into my body and soul.

Level of Drunkenness

Cabra: I was as sober as a medieval peasant before the enlightenment. I would love to try these nachos after a couple beers/margaritas because I think they would just get better.

NMKS: I had had a few glasses of wine at a work event prior to the frisbee game so I was feeling a little loose, not seder-drunk, but tipsy enough to think that I could do a good karaoke rendition of “Zombie” by The Cranberries.

Company

Cabra: Suzie and Enrique are wonderful dinner companions and good friends. I admired Suzie’s request to the waiter to “make me any drink you want…under $8”, and I might steal it later. Enrique laughs at almost anything I say, which strokes my ego a bit, so I like having him around. Even if he is just being polite, I don’t care. I need those people in my life. E and Suzie, to you I give a hearty, “Bee-yah! Bee-yah!”.

NMKS: I jump at every opportunity to spend time with Eugene Weekly’s #3-ranked “Best Couple.” I’ve third-wheeled countless dates of theirs and hope to be with them on their one-year anniversary (I’ll bring the Ryan Gosling mask). The soft lighting in Café 440 made Suzie and Enrique even dreamier.

Overall

Cabra: I give it 4.5 Chips! Setting the bar high!!!

NMKS: I too give it 4.5 Chips. I think this is the best plate of nachos I’ve ever eaten, which assuages any concerns I have of giving too high a ranking to the first review.

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